Friday, January 13, 2012
It's been a long time since I last posted and no one will seem to know if my blog is still active...
This is the only place where I can reveal my true feelings...
Facebook can no longer be trusted when your parents are involved, and in your way...
I'm just tired and having the kind of attitude is just normal...
Mum, I seriously think that you're just too sensitive and took my words too seriously...
I didn't plan for this Lose-to-Win, Dad wants me to join it...
I didn't take it as priority....
And it slipped my mind that I have to print the consent form for you to sign...
And I really hate it when you always repeat those words like "I'm tired enough" or "I don't want to bother you anymore".
Do you know how hurting it is?!
In this house, I always feel that I don't get the final say...
I'm a growing adult...
It's just normal for me to speak in an attitude....
Some more, my way of doing things at home is so much different than at work...
At work, I have prepare my stuffs in advance so as not to get scoldings from my boss...
I got so much praises...
This is the part which I really felt that you don't know me enough....
I don't want to offend you, you make me looked like I've offended you...
You are my mother, I don't want to hurt you...
Why am I afraid of you?
Because anything we said, once it stepped on your tail, you'll just explode...
Even if it is harmless...
I really don't want to say anymore...
My mind's unweaving/ 9:19 AM
Friday, October 21, 2011
Finally Pass Out at last from BMT!!!!
Right now, I just need to wait for my posting.
Hoping it's somewhere good for me.
Another thing would be the upcoming university registration that will most probably be held in February 2012....
This year, I registered just BA in Linguistics and Multilingual Studies from NTU...
I failed for both registration and appeal...
Next year, I've made up my mind by registering for BA in Linguistics and Multilingual Studies again, along with BA in English Literature and BA in Chinese.
If it still fails after I ORD, I will go for BA in Translation & Interpretation from UniSIM...
In my life, there hasn't been anything that went smoothly with what I really wanted...
Since the choosing of secondary till today, it all doesn't go well...
After PSLE, I wanted to get into Chung Cheng High School which was in Sembawang then and later shifted back to Yishun...
I thought that I was lucky I didn't get in as transportation will be a problem for me....
Eventually, I didn't regret for getting into Canberra Secondary...
Later, I didn't really do fairly well in my 'O' Levels, trying my luck, to register for Psychology in NP...
After which, I got into a course which I didn't expect and an area which I was, and still am weak in - IT... Worse still, IT Engineering....
But I didn't really regret as I met great friends, despite average GPA, which wasn't that good for me, of course....
Now, I really wish I can break this chain, I really wanted what I want to do and to be.
May God bless me.
My mind's unweaving/ 7:55 AM
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Hi Everyone!!!!
I really wanted to blog for so long already but couldn't make the time...
Anyway, it's going to be NS SSSOOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!!!!
To be really honest, I'm still not mentally or physically prepared yet...
I can say, I'm still panic-stricken...
I don't know about my friends who had already went in before me...
Really wish them the best of luck...
And I need those luck too!!!!
Many might be thinking, where was I after my last post?
Working, working and more working....
People think that I'm really giving myself so much stress, it's like I'm not giving myself a break....
Actually, I'm not really that tired...
I'm not really giving myself stress, my pocket does...
After February, I've been looking for jobs desperately for a couple of weeks...
I managed to approach this Job Agency which provides mostly government jobs...
I was being posted to Chong Pang Community Club (Yishun) for 2.5 months...
After which, I rested for a few days and was posted to Yuhua Community Club (Chinese Garden)
Then followed by Henderson Community Club (Tiong Bahru).....
Sounds interesting, right?
From the North, to the West and to the South... Too bad, no East... why?
I'm currently doing Relief Teaching at my previous secondary school....
Training Chinese Oral for the 'O' Levels and 'N' Levels students....
Of course, I'll be helping out to train the English Oral as well....
Also, I've been requested to take over Music lessons for all the secondary 1 students...
I've no problem with my Chinese Oral but I do have some in English...
Given myself, was a student who doesn't pay too much attention to English...
But got that English interest back after 'O' Levels... how strange is that?
My teacher was testing me this morning and I was caught off guard by it...
But I'm still really confident in my reading and wish to help out more in both languages...
As I really wanted to start my learning journey in the route of languages...
My last day will be another 2 Wednesdays away, and how I wish I can stay longer....
NS will be in 2nd August...
PES C, by the way, for your information....
It will be in the early morning....
I wonder how my family is able to wake up....
I wonder HOW I'm going to wake up....
Usually, the night before something new for me, I'll be having insomnia....
That's I'm really afraid now....
So 9 weeks of BMT for me, hopefully I'll be able to be posted to either SAF Band or MDC...
At least it's something which I wanted and it's not that far from my house...
Alright, shall stop here for now... I've been forced to sleep liao....
Got to go le... bye....
My mind's unweaving/ 6:11 AM
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Everything is all over...
Poly's over....
Just desperate to find a job...
I'm currently out of cash....
I need a part-time to fill my pocket and my stomach....
Sometimes, finding a job is so much tougher than studying for exams, especially for me...
Stressed by mother, stressed by own bank account....
I need money...
Applied for so many jobs, none really reply....
1 replied, having a job test out for me....
I have never teach vocal in my life before...
It's a 2 hours job but the pay is alright...
But it's just temporary, I'm still trying to apply for other jobs as well...
Need money....
Got to go le...bye...
My mind's unweaving/ 10:40 PM
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Finally, with just one final week of tests...
I'm officially out of this course!!!!
But of course I'm going to miss a lot people...
People whom I had fun with...
People whom I had been in class with...
People who had taught me...
I really cannot thank them much enough...
Really hope I can get to meet up with them soon...
Alright, off to study, pass this final semester and get my Diploma!!!!
Got to go le... bye....
My mind's unweaving/ 9:50 PM
Saturday, January 15, 2011
好讨厌现在的我
好想重新再来一次
好想拥有自己的世界
在学弟与学妹们的面前，我总是装着自己很自大
以为什么都懂，装着自己很有学问似的
为了埋藏某种个性，也唯有这么做
这么多年了，我还是这个样子
竟不知这么做，只会把我看成是一个大傻瓜，一个大笨蛋，一个懦夫，一个混蛋
我已经是个完完全全丢尽我全家的脸的笨长子
以为自己已经对未来有所计划
被父母盘问成那幅德行
仿佛一切一切又得重新规划
仿佛这一切看得好像和没策划一样
现在的路，我不知道应该往哪里走才是
心中有好多话想说
好想找个能够了解我的人
诉苦我的一切
好难过
好悲哀
好凄凉
四年前，我还以为那已经是我最黑暗的日子
想不到，更黑暗的还在后头
我看不破，不甘心
怨恨冷藏在心中，仿佛一辈子都走不出这个恨
My mind's unweaving/ 11:26 PM
It's been a few months...
There were a lot of times which I really wanted to blog but sometimes it's just pure laziness....
At times, when I was really helpless, I really wanted to blog but there's no way I could....
Had a few quarrels here and there and I really wanted to sound them out...
Rondeau had just ended...
How I really wish this 'thing' hadn't come...
Feel so helpless when this 'thing' comes back and so many things that I've missed...
It's not enough in Facebook....
I felt apologetic....
I felt useless...
I felt helpless....
I felt laziness....
I felt..................
In NSS, can tell that many are 'against' me, ever since that presentation....
I'm really scared right now...
Scared that I will not be able to pass this test....
Scared that I'll never be able to be determine enough to pull off....
It's my character problem again...
Because of me, I argued with my family...
Because of me, I had turned even more lazy than ever....
Because of me, I had let my own body down....
People always say, "You are born with a purpose."
Till today, I have always been thinking...
What is the purpose of my living?
Having a stubborn, strict, lazy, being proud of nothing and a timid character....
Always acting tough in front of my juniors, but in the end, I'm just a loser...
Every time, when I'm always having a gathering with my friends, they seemed to be having their own topic which I felt that I've been left out....
There's a lot of things which I have wished but it just won't turned out....
I know I'm fat....
Always giving myself excuse for not going for exercise....
I had always wanted to slim down...
No motivation, always been giving 'excuses'....that's what they always say....
Every year, I had always being afraid of buying new clothes for Chinese New Year....
Having afraid that nothing will suit me....
I'm not like my sister....
She's born pretty, nice looking face and body....
Sometimes, I would feel unfairness in my heart....
She got all the things she wanted, she got things that I wanted....
I felt jealous....of her at times.....
I even had a young uncle....
I really, really jealous of him.....
A Chinese New Year 3 years ago, was my first encounter with him....
I wanted to know him more....
Bad habits always appeared when comes to meeting nice-looking people....
I WILL get jealous....
Supposedly, these people, these jealousness should be a trigger for me, to motivate me to exercise, to motivate me to slim down...
But I just couldn't make it...
可以说是我没有用
我无耻
我懒惰
一切一切都是我自找的
我活该
可是又很后悔
即又嫉妒又憎恨
想找个知心朋友帮我
我好想好想完成我多年来的梦想
就是好好的瘦下来
这十几年来，我的心都一直无法平静下来
一直到现在，我无法找到值得我信任的朋友
告诉他我的真面目
我好想赶快成为一个扑通的人
我好想赶快平静下来
我该怎么办？
谁能来救我，开导我呢？
My mind's unweaving/ 5:26 AM
