Thursday, April 17, 2008
Actually byright I'm suppose to post something about my new school environment....
But it seems that it has been interrupted by something....
Actually I'm really feeling quite down now....
Sometimes i really couldn't control my tears....
I just really feel like crying....
And I don't know why, I'm crying now....
Mainly first is my wound....
I don't know just how long this thing wants to 'threaten' me....
I was at first felt kind of relieve to hear from an experience doctor that I don't need anymore surgery as he said that more surgery will make it worst....
But it does broke my heart when he said that this thing will last maybe a decade or more...
Which I'm really.really don't know what to say loh....
I'm really frustrated now...and crying now....
I just need a listening ear....
I don't know why, as I'm typing, my tears just couldn't stop flowing out....
Because of this wound, I feel like I've got no freedom at all....
Is like I really want to participate in certain things but somehow I've been stopped....
This 'thing' has really ruining my teenage years....
I just don't know what to do....
Stress from this and that....
Do you think I want it?!
I've got no choice....
I just feeling like dying....
In front of many people, no, maybe I should die silently...
I don't think my death is not a good thing to 'show-off'....
I really, really had enough of it....
Medicine, medicine and more medicines...
Just when can I stopped all this medication?
I'm really tired, and really had enough of it....
Is like I really have the feeling of leaving this house, leaving the family, leaving my relatives and friends...
Let my wound worsen, and lastly...death...
Somehow, I just don't know why I have this feeling....
Is like I don't want to cause anymore more trouble for my family and I really don't want them to waste anymore unnecessary money on me just to cure me....
It is just pointless to spend those money and yet it doesn't show any result....
Just what's the point of having vegetables and fruits everyday when this thing keeps bugging me?
I might as well die....
I really do have the feeling that I'll not live long....partially because of this?
Who knows?
I'm really sick and tired of it now...
Got to go le...bye...
My mind's unweaving/ 6:31 AM
