Sunday, July 13, 2008
The day has come....
The day which I've been expecting has come...
The returning of my wound...
These few days has been a torturing one for me...
Ever since band camp had ended, i thought that everything will be fine again...
But it seems that I'm wrong...
These few days was really another painful experience for me...
Today do I realised that the wound had started to bloat up again...
Then my mum try to squeeze the discharges out and there you go, a big hole has landed on my skin...
Discharges, blood had been squeezed out...
It's really painful lah...
Almost crying...
Actually before this, I was really crying in my mum's room(as I was told to look after my brother till he slept)....
I was like kind of 'stressful' like that...
I actually recalled one of my doctors' words, "If this thing reaches the tail bone, it will lead to paralyzation"....
His words really, really freaks me out, till today...
I'm prepared, but I'll regret...
And I'll miss lots of people and stuffs...
Paralyzation, this words really scares me till I cried, which what happened just now...
The only way is to remove everything 'dirty' beneath the skin and to ensure that it doesn't reach the tail bone...
But another doctor told me that, the more surgery I get, the worst the wound will get and the scar will become bigger and bigger....
I'm now really scared lah...
Don't know what to do...
Whether should I be continuing band and my course temporary or not...
It's really hurtful lah....
Be it mentally or physically...
Sometimes I try to control myself from thinking bad stuffs but still, I couldn't stop thinking things of the dark side...
And like one of my doctors had said before, "This wound will take about a decade to end"...
I really wanted to burst out into tears lah...
But I couldn't...
For the next few days, I'll try to control myself...
And try not to sit too long...
For now I've a dressing on my wound...
Got to go le...bye...
My mind's unweaving/ 7:37 AM
