有时候我真的真的希望你不要再给我那些所谓的建议了。。。
有时候听了就很烦。。。
你就不能让我做我自己的规划吗？
每次叫我不要拿别人来和我比，你自己还不是每次都这样！
你们关心钱，难道我就不担心吗？
别人赚多少是他们的事，不要老把我和他们扯在一起！
他们现在能赚得比我多不代表以后会更多。。。
赚钱不是一步登天。。。
像我这种人靠的是经验和实力的累积。。。
每次说我比较适合做酒店之类的工作，也不想想为什么我会不喜欢。。。
人生的一生追求的是幸福，不管是感情上还是事业上。。。
感情上，你都不能成全我了，干嘛还要控制我在事业上的追求阿？
我是个大人了，你就不能让我自己规划吗？
社会不接受我，我能有什么办法？
心灵上，我已经受够了。。。
我感觉不到家庭的支持与鼓励。。。
我好想好想搬到外面去住。。。
过我自己的生活。。。
可以吗？！

The previous was supposed to be published long, long time ago when my sister was still having her 'O' Levels.
Indeed, even till today, there are still lots of things that I wanted to thank her.
Thank her for all her initiatives for almost all celebrations. (Birthdays, Fathers' Day, Mothers' Day, etc)
She's the planner and the sponsor, while I'm just the helper.

Being that brother, sometimes it's just.... haizzz

So many thanks, yet so many apologies...

Hi Everyone...
Anyway, this is for my sister...
Somehow...I don't know how to say this but...I care for my sister a lot more than any other girl...
Yes...we chatted a lot when comes to a time when we felt that we haven't been chatting for a very long time...
Troubles, sorrows, hatred...
All these were just like a gun/cannon war...non-stop...

Somehow...sometimes...I would feel a bit sorry for her...
She would somehow suffered for some reasons...
And as a brother, sometimes, not being by her side, is just guilty...
There were lots of thanks, but also lots of sorries...
Thanks for all the companion...
Thanks for being by my side...
Sometimes, even really thank you for your examples for this stupid brother of yours...
Somehow, mummy will see your effort and compare with me...

Sorry for sometimes, still fight with you for small, little little things...
I still recalled how we used to fight, really physically fought...
I do still recall my strength of how I used to hit and beat you...
You would also fight back...
I also recall we argued and quarrelled real loud in the house...
Those memories were sometimes funny, but also at the same time, it's really hurtful too...
Also there were lots of things that were being initiated by you...
Birthdays, celebrations...whatever...
I would sometimes felt that I'm always the one being like that, which made me feels that the heart is not with me...
For that, I want to apologise as well...

True, I do had lots of friends whom I know in NP...
But none were close to me...
Problems will always be kept in my heart...
When I speak about my troubles, I would tend to feel that my friends are just listening, and not hearing...
And might thought that I'm attracting attention...
But having a closest sibling won't feel that way...
That's why I want to thank you, sister...
We always had lots of happy chats...lots of sorrow chats as well...

You are in the midst of your 'O' Levels...
Yet I can't help much...
Recalled that last week, you were about to go for your Maths Paper...
You were still studying...you asked for my help...
At first I thought I could help...
In the end, finding myself being stuck, whatever I've learnt had left my memory and I couldn't help much...
For that, I want to apologise...

Now I really see that you've grown up and initiated lots of things...
You even found a job before your 'O' Levels ends...
Mummy used this to compare with me again...
See how initiative you are...
How sensitive you are...
Sometimes, I don't believe in younger siblings surpassing the elder ones...
But how I see an example of it...

好久没有在这里发泄了。
心理有好多郁闷之处。
特别是在找工作方面。

自从被内政部否认之后，
心理一直是很伤感的。
虽然暂时还能以代课老师的工作顶替，但也不能撑太久。

这两个星期，我一向好几个公司与机构发出申请了。
也不知道什么时候才会有消息。

肥肉又跑回来了。
也不知道为什么，心里感觉上已没有任何斗志似的。
我是很想尝试减肥药，但又很怕以后的副作用。

好烦啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

现在刚下起雨，是老天爷在同情我吗？
咳。。。
总之就是两个字 - 郁闷。

真的实在是忍不住了！
被骂成那样子，心里一直都不好受
我是懒惰，但也不用说成那样吧！
我也知道你也很辛苦，家里已经够忙的了，
还得要骂我，提醒我

可是有很多事我真的很不服。
叫人家运动减肥，您自己呢？
还能到减肥中心。
不靠运动还能减成这样
你知道我心里是有多么羡慕吗？！
我知道，这句话说出来，爸爸也不好受
爸爸也想一心一意地减肥
减了这么多，那肚腩还在。

我也想减啊!
每次只要走在大街上，都会羡慕着街上的帅哥们
也就是因为这样。。。
心里已是不平衡之下了

我会减肥，但我不会改变我想做的自己
我会减肥，也会在减肥成功后去找自己想找的另一半
我会减肥，就是不要再让我讨厌的人看不起
我会减肥，让自己充满帅气，也能穿得更加时尚

心理已经不平衡了
让我好好地静一静
如何去面对这些问题

每次一被骂，不是想自杀，就是想搬出去
自己一个人住，不被人管制，不被唠叨

每次说我耳朵有问题，也不想想你们说的话不够大声
只会把罪怪在我头上，也不会反省自己是否做错

不要以为是我爹娘，老认为自己总是对的，孩子总是错的
我是长子，总得给我些面子吧

在某些方面，我是错得利普
但不至于都错

我相信时间是公平的
时间会证明一切
我要你们知道错在哪里
哼！！！

心里好郁闷哦
为什么呢？

此时此刻我还不想公开某些私事
虽然已对某些人坦白了
但又后悔跟他们提起那些事

在这个现实的社会里，
有很多事情，想做都做不到。
有很多事情，又不能照着自己的方向走。
有很多事情，明明拥有着的自由却有好像没有。
此时才会感到郁闷啊。

好想到那些拥有这种自由的国家，好好地安顿自己。
没有人能妨碍或控制地生活着
去大胆地挑战一个从未拥有过的生活

看到那些受人注目的人或朋友，心里是多么的羡慕
妒忌与嫉妒
心里也好想这样
对某些人来说，这种‘机会’是个骗局
对于我来说，是个好机会啊！
为什么我就是没有那样的命啊？！
我羡慕街上的人，偶尔也羡慕身边的人
这十几年来，我都没有达到自己想要的。
只能默默地。。。

Sometimes, I just don't like the way my mother handle things.


You handed the responsibilities to me to coach him.
And now, I really feel that you are not believing me in my way of handling.
I know what's best for him.
You have been out of the society for too long, especially the changes in education.

You just don't understand the system, so shut up.
I know what I'm doing.
You pleaded me to coach him, to train him.
And now, you interrupted my training, thinking that I'm too strict on him.
The truth is, this is the reality.

The system is not as simple as you think.
If you really think it is that simple, you coach him.
What's the point of asking me to coach when you think I'm too harsh on him.
Why don't YOU be the good person here?

Like I said, it is reality.
MOE is putting more and more stress on Primary School syllabus.
And once they get to Secondary School, it will be even worse.
And thus, my training.

And I'll make sure that his Oral is of a higher standard.
And not just that, his languages as well.
I know just what the examiners are looking out for.
That's why I'm putting all the stress.
And that's why you have put him in my hands.

If you think you are so clear of his mistakes and what the examiners want, you take him, I'm not taking the responsibility,
But if you place him in my care, you jolly well respect what I'm going to do.
I am putting stress, putting things which you think is redundant.
But everything I do, is for his future.

既然把责任交给我，就别多管闲事。
当时您是怎么求我的。说过要求我一个月的时间来调教与督促他的功课。
我是很不愿意，因为我没有那个能力。没有能力去管教一个小学学生，更别说是去督促他的功课与考试预备。

不过您已经把责任托付于我，就请您别干预与干涉我的教学。

您每次认为您说的都是对的，并没发现有时候是错的。
我要您知道我们也有对的时候。